Why It’s Important to Spend Time with Your Kids One-on-One
Most days as parents, we can’t do anything more than keep things running, and between work, housework, scheduled activities, and pop-up events, it’s easy to forget that kids need more than structure and care. One of those other things kids need is non-structured one-on-one time with their parents.
Time that’s free from agendas, coaching, feedback, and lectures. The one-on-one time shows kids you care about more than grades, activities, accomplishments, and everyday needs. It shows kids that adults can be fun and thoughtful, that adults enjoy life too, and that kids aren’t navigating life alone.
In terms of humanizing the relationship between yourself and your kids, there’s nothing else I can think of that builds a greater connection between parent and child than one-on-one time. It builds a greater connection between parent and child, and it helps children see themselves and their parent(s) in a different light.
Why One-on-One Time Matters
One-on-one time is important for individual development because it increases confidence, makes kids feel safer with their parents, improves the parent-child connection, and positively impacts feelings of self-worth. These are crucial developmental areas, and I’ve listed a few more positive impacts of non-structured one-on-one time below:
Kids feel valued as a person
Kids feel safe being themselves
Kids feel increased levels of trust
Kids feel comfortable sharing without expecting a lecture
Kids begin to see rules as purposeful, not controlling
Kids learn to collaborate instead of just following directions
Can we talk about “me time” first?
Most parents are already incredibly busy with school schedules, activities, housework, etc.
As we juggle schedules and activities, we need to make sure we’re emotionally, mentally, and physically prepared to give more of ourselves to others. We do that by putting our oxygen masks on first before we try to help someone else. This “me time” helps us recharge, improves our mood, and readies us to show up for our family.
My “me time” typically includes playing a few songs on the guitar or drums before going to a family event, but I’ll sometimes sit in the car for a few minutes to gather my thoughts and my breathing before going into the house when I come home. These small moments improve my mood, allow me to feel good about doing something I wanted to do, and help me show up for others in a calm, thoughtful, and understanding manner.
Me time is different for everyone, so whether you’re relaxing, exercising, or enjoying a hobby, take the time to recharge. Even if you do this in smaller increments, you’ll recognize a boost to your mood and your overall health.
Pro Tip
Mornings are usually the best time for parents to take me time. Getting things done early gives you the serotonin boost of accomplishing a task, and that helps carry your mood through at least the morning. This approach also ensures you’re not regretting your lack of me time while you’re waiting in the pickup line in the afternoon or evening.
One-on-One Time
Now that you’ve put on your oxygen mask, you can shift to helping others. Let’s talk about how to do this with limited time on your hands, then let’s talk through some things that we try in our house to snag one-on-one time with our kids.
Blending Activities:
A great way to snag some one-on-one time is to bake it into other activities. When my wife took our son to his weekly piano lessons a few years back, she usually took him out for an ice cream afterwards, which gave them some time together, rewarded him for cooperating with her as they left the house for his lessons, and gave them time to chat over a sweet treat.
Tagging-Along:
A similar approach is to complete routine tasks with your child. We regularly take our kids to the grocery store, and while they’re often excited about having some input on what we purchase, our focus is on the time we spend together, and the opportunity to build life skills without unnecessary pressure. We communicate with our kids on a more personal level, allow them to share input on what we bring back for the family, and empower them to find items in the store on their own.
Sharing Your Kid’s Activities Without an Agenda:
When you share an activity your kid enjoys, you show that you enjoy spending time with them, you appreciate them as they are, and you’re not there to judge or correct them.
Since our kids like gaming, reading, playing board games, and playing sports, we often do these activities with them. You can find us playing soccer, kickball or baseball together in the yard, and we sometimes read side-by-side with them. At other times, we might step into their room and take a turn on their video game, or we might watch videos on our own devices and share funny or relatable videos with each other.
In this situation, we’re not imposing rules or expectations, we’re giving them time to hang out with us in a calm, non-structured environment that allows them to relax, laugh, and love.
One-on-One Habits
The easiest way to get one-on-one time with your kid is to do it regularly, because you’re consistently fostering safety, open communication, and trust.
I used to read books to my oldest son at bedtime. I did this until he seemed to want his own space at bedtime, but I kept going as long as it worked for us. I’m not as consistent with our younger boys, but I appreciate the opening-up that happens during bedtime chats, and I love playing games with my kids at home or even after their practices. I’m not always correcting or coaching my kids in these situations. Instead, I’m showing them that I want to be there, and that they’re important to me.
Wrap-up: Showing Up Matters Most
No matter how you make time for one-on-one outings, or what you do in those outings, you’re already on the path to an improved relationship and a healthier child.
Showing up for your kids without an agenda helps them feel safe, helps them trust their parents’ intentions, and increases the chance they’ll share things they’re experiencing within their own world.
When you get a chance to spend one-on-one time with your kid, don’t worry about correcting or guiding them. Those moments come naturally on their own. For now, the goal is simply to create a safe, trusting space where your child feels seen and accepted, and where they know you’re choosing to show up as you are, fully present and engaged in the moment.
